Social Contracts - flake factor

Do you have plans for Friday night?

Your willingness to change plans might be known as your "flake factor," a flake being someone who makes plans but only shows up half the time.

A good friend of mine, from the same small town in Indiana summarized the issue very well. His theory, everyone he knows in the Bay Area uses a social status or fun factor when deciding whether to change plans or not. If they make plans with you, average Joe, and then President Bush, or Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie asks them out, then you, average Joe, gets jilted. Of course you should understand, because how often are you going to get the opportunity with the famous person? But, "famous person" extends to anyone of higher social status or who is more physically attractive than you. So if you're low status, everyone always flakes on you. And you have to understand, because that's the way social status works; you'll only get yours higher by flaking on your loser friends.

But in our small town in Indiana, where there is little social flux, and your status is determined by several generations of reputation (and newcomers take several years to establish a reputation), your word is your honor. If you make plans for Friday night, and President Bush asks for an appointment, you say, "I'm sorry, President Bush, I have an appointment with my friend Joe."

In the small town, there is a binary system of right and wrong. Simple. In the urban world, there are forty shades of grey. The question is not whether one system is right or wrong; these are social conventions, thought to be understood by participants (except, those from different backgrounds, who "just don't get it." The crime is not differing social systems (social contracts), the crime is the misunderstanding of those social contracts which, unfortunately, are usually unspoken. Also, of course, is the spoken acceptance of a particular rule, but the underhanded action flouting the rule. Now we've ventured into the land of attorneys, where competition is the main game, and all rules and versions of reality are up for argument.